In my quest to search for the ultimate goal in life, I have lost sight of who I am and became someone I didn’t want to be.
So while I was at work today, I saw a snap by a friend of mine showing ‘8:38 mins 2.4KM 25 points’. It amazed me. “The fuck?” I thought, since 2.4KM under 9:00mins was a rather impressive feat, and especially for someone of his build (I think his shoulder’s width is like 1.5x the average man). I was seriously awed by that feat. So we snapped back and forth, and then went on talking on WA about how to, and what he did to achieve that. And so, I had an epiphany while talking to him.
In short, he said it was the drugs he took for the purpose of bodybuilding that gave him that edge, that advantage — higher red blood cell count which presumably gave him more oxygen flow throughout the run… and also something about him wanting to look back in his life in the future and tell himself, “I did it.”
Personally, I kinda live by the quote ‘To each his own’ — basically in my sense: how you live your life, it’s totally up to you. I shall not and will not judge you by how meagre nor insubstantial your goal is or what you pursue in life. But it seems I fell short on that promise to myself.
So, let me give you guys a brief background. That friend of mine is a passionate young man who had devoted most of his time doing what he likes — building his body and breaking limits he once thought wasn’t possible. I respected him for that. He got so into what he did that he sought for a quicker and faster way to build his body — roiding. And yes, following the mantra of ‘To each His own’, I did not really judge him lesser for that choice he made like some others did. However what I mistakenly did was to judge lesser of his near-sighted goal and the lack of concern for the further future.
For me, I think that bodybuilding, going to gym or simply having an active lifestyle is a lifelong thing, that is to say, you have to continuously put effort into — continue hitting the gym, eating correctly in order to maintain/build that body of yours that you so wish to have/keep. There are, however, some men who are willing to go great lengths to achieve that wicked and perfectly chiselled body that women all fawn over and lust for, and thus resorted to roiding. However, as they age, they will undoubtedly stop roiding since it’s actually detrimental to continue doing so when you’re older. For that reason, I thought that people who took drugs for such a purpose must be too shortsighted or that they are just that foolish because eventually, they will lose what they have worked so hard and they WILL because their body had become so dependent on roids.
So back to that friend of mine. Yes, he roided, he competed and he continues to do so. So I asked why he decided to do so, and he told me. Initially, I was skeptical of his reason — he took roids and he trains really hard so that before he stops, he would have achieved something remarkable and could hold his head high and say, “I did it.”
I mean.. how can that one (or a few) moment(s) of glory justify all the efforts that are wasted (be it roiding or going to the gym), I really didn’t get him. When I questioned the longevity of those moments, he replied, “Nothing lasts forever what … doesn’t mean you stop … how you want to measure success or being happy is relative also …”
That moment of epiphany came when I suggested to him to “put your effort in something more worthwhile and sustainable — like your future,” and that (few) moment(s) of glory ain’t gonna cut it. He retorted by saying, “the same can be said about your career also what … You spend 45 years working and building up a decent wealth … Then you die.” I was overwhelmed. It made me realise that in this period of time, my values have changed and due to certain circumstances, I have actually made ‘accumulating wealth’ my goal in life.
I thought that everyone — like literally everyone — should spend their time wisely by building on a skill-set or improving some aspects in their life that will eventually benefit their future and help with reaching their goal (italics because I thought everyone should have that same ultimate goal — to be rich and powerful, and ultimately influential so as to set about any change they deem fit). As soon as I had that revelation, I stopped doing what I did most — playing computer games. Soon after, I took up writing because of that exact same reason because I think it will be a useful skill and at the same time, build my vocabulary.
Hence, whenever I hear or see people talking about how they waste their time doing pointless stuff and looking aimless in life, I feel sorry for them rather than trying to put myself in their shoes (although sometimes you can really see that some people are really wasting their life).
However, the conversation with him made me realise one thing — everyone has a different goal. Who am I to decide what you should pursue in life or what your life goal should be? What if you want to be an artist, a monk or even a beggar? Who am I to judge what is less or what is meaningful? Ultimately, it is the process, the journey, that will shape you to become who you will become and along the way if you enjoy what you do — your passion, your short-lived interests, whatever it may be — it will all be worth doing. Moments are fleeting, but memories and experiences forged will bring you a long way.
– 12:30am –